MULLET – FASHION OR FAUX PAS?
MULLET’s are not only stout-bodied fish swimming around in rivers or the sea – they are also abominable hair-styles sometimes touted as fashion but more often than not failing dismally into FAUX PAS territory. Just swing by Triomf, Rosentenville or any outlying town in the country and you’re sure to spot one.
There are numerous websites dedicated to MULLETS that will cheer you up on any given …
Monday – two Represent readers sent in their take on Mullets:
Noxyrsox decides it’s time to MULL it over: Go to RATEMYMULLET for a sneak peak.
What is it anyways? To say that the mullet is a hairstyle barely even scratches the surface of the issue. The mullet is a way of life, it is a state of mind, it is every person who wears it.
Physically it is characterized by short hair on the top, front, and sides of the head, followed by a long drape of hair on the back, reaching even to the middle of the spine. Typical accessories to the mullet include moustaches, scraggly beards and/or goatees, and sunglasses.
Research on the mullet phenomena, at this stage, is still in its infancy. However it is suggested by many top laboratories that the mullet, as it slowly reaches maturity, begins to grow tentacles into the brain of the victim. which affect several areas of the brain and fundamentally alter the candidate’s actions and behavioural responses.
Said behavioural changes mainly include extreme agression, the proclivity to consume large amounts of alcohol, pedophilia, lack of hygeine, dramatic reduction in inhibitions (often bolstered by the consumption of alcohol), sense of paranoia and distrust towards authority/governmental figures, and most importantly – steadily decreasing IQ levels.
I would stress that these are only preliminary details however, and the controversial nature of the theory renders it unsuitable for mass publication.
WILLIS looks at the history of where MULLETS come from:
Edited extract from MulletsGalore ():
The earliest known mullet may be that of the Roman Emperor Tiberius (14-37 AD). A Roman biographer provides the following description of Tiberius:
“Tiberius was strongly and heavily built, and above average height. His shoulders and chest were broad, and his body perfectly proportioned from head to toe. His left hand was so strong that he could poke a finger through a sound, newly-plucked apple or into the skull of a boy or young man. He had a handsome, fresh-complexioned face, though subject to occasional rashes of pimples. Letting his back hair grow down over the nape seems to have been a habit of the family to which Tiberius belonged.”
Several observations intrigue in addition to the hair reference: Tiberius’ physique sounds ideally suited to the muscle-shirts and wife-beater T’s favoured by Mullets everywhere, and the cryptic reference to poking fingers into skulls certainly suggests a level of aggression wholly consistent with the behaviour of the mullet-adorned set. Add to that the lurid details of Tiberius’ sexual activities (related elsewhere) —‘cuz, SH!T, Dawg; if there’s one thing Mullets love more than anything else, it’s gettin’ it ON, be-yotch– and one is confronted by a compelling body of circumstantial evidence.
Was Tiberius history’s first true Mulleteer? Evidence is scant, but a silver denarius of the Emperor portrays a small but distinctive growth of plumage at the base of the Emperor’s skull. If so, then our well-plumed brethren can proudly claim a stylistic heritage stretching back nearly two millennia to one of the Roman Caesars.
The “Classification” section of the site breaks the Mullet down into various categories, ranging from the Classic Mullet to the Femullet, Redneck Mullet, Sweathogmullet, the Rattail hybrid-Mullet and more, rating each classification according to mulletude and aggressiveness, also listing sightings, hobbies and favourite bands. Check out the brilliant “Hunts” section, where intrepid Mullet hunters report back (with photographic evidence) on close encounters with Mulletkind.
