Unveilings – what do they mean?
Last week two friends of mine, one a Jewish friend and one a Tswana friend, each informed me that they were going to be attending a family unveiling. I have often heard about unveilings from my friends but this was the first time I heard about it from a Jewish friend and that there were two unveilings in one week on totally different sides of the cultural landscape in SA got me wondering. Thinking that I had loads to learn, I asked each friend to please tell me about unveilings in their specific culture so that I could understand what it’s all about… The findings were interesting. Here goes – let us know if you have more insight:
Ms Mogoatlhe – the Tswana Unveiling:
Mothers are creatures all on their own; I sulked when mine told me that my Dad’s unveiling was going to be on the Freedom Day weekend. One of the year’s biggest party weekends. Knowing my family, I should have leaped with joy that the ceremony was on. Unveilings to my family and in the Christian faith are a remembrance of the departed and a celebration of their life after death, symbolized by the resurrection of Jesus.
Biblical symbolism aside, unveilings are always a jol. Ours started with a short and sweet church service at home. A couple of church hymns and a very short sermon was followed by a trek to the graveyard. There, we sang a bit and got down to business.
The headstone has to be totally covered. The moment leading up to the unveiling started with three family members (dad’s nieces and nephews) reading a Psalm. This was followed by an older niece reading what’s on the headstone, a prayer by the minister and hymn and a recital of the Lord’s Prayer by everyone. This was followed by the best part of the ceremony. My two uncles (dad’s younger brother and their cousin) got down to leboko (praise singing). They had such energy and tight flow, taking turns with verses and so theatrical, you knew that you were at a Mogoatlhe do. We are colourful to say the least. Also damn proud of our heritage so no gathering ends without leboko. Ours includes acknowledging our lineage and his story, our family characteristics and stuff we believe in.
Hearing leboko always brings back happy memories of the people the leboko is dedicated to. It was awesome and moving-though tears. This took about an hour, I’d say. Followed afterwards by brunch and a party; street bash with friends and neighbours. The jam session was another highlight. Got to see myself in my family and remembered just what I love so much about them. This is the whole point of unveilings. They bring family together.
Debs – The Jewish Unveiling:
I was asked to put together some thoughts on what happens at a Jewish unveiling. At this request I had 2 thoughts: Am I informed enough to do that? (This is why I have enlisted the aid of http://www.aish.com/) and the second thought was, how do you separate out the unveiling from the whole funeral and grieving process? So, I didn’t – here is an overview of the Jewish way of dealing with grief.
Judaism provides a beautiful, structured approach to mourning that involves various stages and traditions. When followed carefully, these stages guide mourners through the tragic loss and pain and gradually ease them back into the world. The loss is forever, but the psychological, emotional, and spiritual healing that takes place at every stage is necessary and healthy.
From the time of death until the conclusion of the funeral, the primary focus and concern is on the care of the deceased and the burial preparations. However, once shiva begins, the focus shifts to the mourners. The mourners experience a week of intense grief, and the community is there to love and comfort and provide for their needs.
Chronology:
• Funeral at cemetery
• Stage 1: Sitting Shiva – the immediate mourners return to a home called the “shiva house,” to begin a seven day period of intense mourning. This week is called “sitting shiva,” and is an emotionally and spiritually healing time. A person sits shiva after having lost a parent, spouse, sibling, or child. All other loved ones are also mourned, but the observances of shiva do not apply.
• Stage 2: Shloshim – The first 30 days following the burial (which include the shiva) are called shloshim, from the word meaning “thirty.” Most of the restrictions that applied to mourners during the seven-day shiva period are now lifted.
• Unveiling of the Tombstone – The erecting of a tombstone gives honour to the body that housed the soul. No tombstone is placed at the time of burial. Rather, it is the Jewish custom to erect the stone at a later date. Some do it right after the shiva, while others wait until sometime within the year. Those close to the family are invited to the gravesite where the mourners unveil the stone covered by a cloth. The ceremony is usually short. Psalms are recited, and people often share thoughts about the deceased.
• Stage 3: The one year period -During the 12?month period from the day of death (which includes the shiva and shloshim), only one who has lost a parent is still considered a mourner after the first 30 days with the restrictions discussed below
• Visiting the Ceremony – Although a person can visit the cemetery any time after the stone is erected, there are special days for visiting the grave: The Jewish custom is not to bring flowers to the graves, but instead to place a simple stone on the gravestone itself. Rather than spend money on flowers — which do nothing for a loved one — it is better to give money in the person’s memory to tzedakah or charity, which helps to elevate the person’s soul. We place a small stone upon the gravestone as a sign that we were there — not so the person who passed away will know, for their soul already has awareness. But so that we will know. We, who are physical, need physical acts to express the reality that we are indeed there. We give honour to the body with a proper funeral, only as recognition that the body had sanctity because it housed and served the soul. In the same way, the casket should be plain and simple, with the money allocated instead to spiritual things that will affect the person’s soul.
